Toxic Advice-giving
Unsolicited advice is (almost) always self-serving
I reckon 99% of the advice I give to others is related to meeting my own needs.
Most prominently, I think, it’s related to my need to regulate my own shame. And my own fears.
Sometimes I’m feeling shame and I want to appear smart. Sometimes I’m feeling shame and I want to feel important, special. Sometimes my feeling of shame influences me to give advice in a demeaning way so I can feel powerful. Sometimes I’m feeling afraid - either for me, or for the recipient - and my advice is a method for soothing the fear. These maladaptive approaches to meeting my needs doesn’t necessarily mean the advice I am giving is bad advice. It does mean, however, that my own needs can muddy my intent, and my approach, when I am giving advice to others. Especially when the advice I am giving is unsolicited.
